Faith in a Long Shot Temporary Hiatus
by Mitsukai Tacchi
Summary: Two years ago there was no SHINee. There were only five young boys, each with problems of their own, and all with the same goal. To show the world that they are worth it and they'll do whatever it takes to make it big. JongKey. Kibum's POV.
1. Chapter 1

Faith in a Long Shot

"Kibum! Get down here, your uncle is on the phone!" My mother screamed from the first floor of our small house.

"I'm coming!" I screeched and dove off of my bed. I heard the various magazines that I had been flipping through flutter to the floor but they were already at the back of my mind. The socks on my feet caused me to slide across the carpeted hall in my mad dash to the phone and I crashed into the wall when I reached the top of the stairs but I didn't stop running; nothing else mattered but getting to that phone.

I quickly ran down the stairs and swung around the post at the bottom before dashing into the kitchen and sliding to a stop in front of my mother.

"Stop panting!" She hissed and cradled the phone against her chest. I nervously nodded my head and leaned my back against the cold fridge as she began desperately fanning my face. "He sounds eager about something." She said and gently brushed a stray lock of hair behind me ear.

"Do you think this could be it?" I asked and nervously reached out for the phone.

"I think so." She replied and gave me a reassuring smile as I lifted the phone to me ear.

"Hello?" I asked. My mother stood with her hands clasped tightly over her mouth, her crinkled eyes held hope but fear at the same time.

"Kibum, I have some good news for you." He replied. There was a hint of happiness in his voice, which was a rare thing, but there was still the usual seriousness. "I found the boys to put you with."

I immediately snapped my head up to meet my mother's eyes. Finally, after five years of being carelessly dragged around various groups and pairs, after serving as a backup dancer or vocalist but never being in the spotlight, I was finally getting my chance.

"T-thank you sir." I said and nodded my head at my mom. She let out a small cry and threw her arms around my shoulders to give me a tight hug.

"I'm so proud of you." She whispered.

"Tell your mother that I want you at the office in an hour. We need to discuss the details. This isn't exactly what you dreamed of, Kibum. But it's something." Uncle Youngmin said.

"What do you mean?" I asked as my previous excitement began to dwindle.

"I mean that I don't know if the five of you can pull this off. I'll explain it when you get here." He replied and then closed his phone with a loud snap.

"He says that we need to be at the office in an hour." I whispered and handed the phone to my mom so she could hang it up.

"Well then go get your work clothes on! Oh Lord, your hair is a mess. Change and then meet me in the bathroom in five minutes." She replied and gave me a chaste kiss on the forehead before shoving me in the direction of the stairs.

The next twenty minutes passed in a blur. My mother and I were barely flashes as we dashed around the house. I almost had a panic attack when I couldn't find my dress pants only to have my mother throw them at me as she pulled on her dress. Then my hair decided to throw one of its classic fits and we had to use hair spray just to keep it down. When we finally did make it to the car, we realized that the keys were still in the house and I was wearing the wrong shoes.

By the time we actually got onto the road we had little over a half an hour to get there and I had dissolved into a panting mess of nerves.

"Mom, what if we're late?" I asked and reached forward to turn the AC on high.

"We won't be." She replied but she still pressed harder on the accelerator and weaved in between traffic. "What else did Youngmin say?"

"He said that this isn't what I've always dreamed of but he wouldn't tell me what he meant. He said that he'd explain it when we got there."

"Okay." She breathed. "We can do this. Hand me my phone."

"What are you going to do?" I asked nervously as I pulled her purse off the center console and began looking for the device.

"Nothing for you to worry about, just canceling an appointment." She replied as I handed her the cell.

She quickly pressed the six button and send before holding the phone to her ear; a definite bad sign. She only kept important people on speed dial.

"Hi doctor Nimura." She sighed into the phone a few moments later. "Yeah, I'm really sorry but I'm going to have to cancel my appointment tonight."

I felt myself recoil into my seat guiltily. I was tired of causing so much pain and stress for my mother.

"I know that this is the third time we've rescheduled…I'm sorry it's just that…now come on you know how important this time is for me. Kibum might be getting into a group any day now! Ma'am please don't take that tone with me, I can't control my damn ex-brother in law!" She yelled and slammed her phone closed with a loud snap.

"I'm sorry mom." I whispered when she threw the phone to the car's floor angrily.

"It's not your fault, Kibum." She replied and reached over to squeeze me knee reassuringly. "This is all going to pay off in the end. You are more than worth it."

"I'm still sorry." I said stubbornly and self consciously pushed my lower lip into a pout.

"I know you are; that's why I don't mind doing all of this." She laughed and quickly drove the car towards out exit. Within moments I could see the tops of the city sky scrapers.

"Mom…I don't know what I'm going to do if he calls it off again." I whispered after a few minutes of busy city driving.

"You won't do anything. I'm going to take his slimy toupee and stuff it down his throat." She replied calmly and expertly steered our rundown mini-van into a vacant parking space.

"Only if you let me hold him." I sneered and quickly unbuckled my seat belt.

"Kim Kibum, I do not want my only son speaking like that. Where you learned to think that way I shall never know." She laughed and lightly smacked the back of my head once we had both climbed out of the car and were hurrying along the sidewalk. "But you're right."

Ten minutes later we were running through the electric doors of SM Entertainment. We received a few surprised glances from the various employees wandering about the lobby but we didn't stop to talk. Instead, we rushed towards the elevators, past the numerous wannabe artists littering the walls and past the huge hanging posters of everything I wanted to be one day.

"Kibum!" Jin ae called when the elevator arrived on the eighth floor and its doors slid open. The secretary was seated at her usual desk, placed directly across from us. "I didn't know you were coming in today!" She smiled and jumped out of her chair as my mother and I rushed forward.

"Wasn't planning on it." I breathed and ran up to give her a quick hug before dashing down a long hallway to her left.

"We'll explain later!" My mother called as she dashed after me. "I told you we wouldn't be late." She teased when we reached the ominous door at the end of the hall.

"Mom, I barely call getting here thirty seconds before we're supposed to, being on time." I replied but heaved a sigh of relief none the less. When I had finally gained the courage to do so, I lifted my hand and laid three soft knocks on the door.

"You're late." Youngmin called from inside.

"Actually by my watch we are exactly on time." My mom replied as she opened the door and gently pushed me inside.

"By mine you are one minute late. Don't let it happen again."

"One minute, relax Youngmin. It won't. Just tell us exactly why you called us in today."

"I'm surprised the boy didn't tell you." Youngmin said with raised eyebrows.

"He did. He told me that you think you found the right boys…again. You also said that this isn't what he's always dreamed of and that you'd explain when we got her. So start explaining. I swear Youngmin, if you got my boy's hopes up again…"

"Relax, Hana." My uncle sighed and motioned for us to sit in the two leather chairs across from his desk. "I have one last option that I'm going to try with him."

"What do you mean one last?" I asked timidly.

"I mean, Kibum, that this is your last shot. If this doesn't work…then nothing will." He replied with a hint of disappointment in his voice

"What is it? I'll do anything." I asked desperately. "I've worked so hard."

"I know." He sighed and lifted a small stack of folders off of his desk. "These boys may take you where you want to go…or they might take you down with them." He said and held the stack out to me.

"You're not making any sense, Youngmin." My mother snapped and pulled the files out of his grasp before I could.

"Fine. Give the folders to Kibum and have him open the first one." He replied exasperatedly. When the small stack was placed in my lap, I did as instructed and flipped the cover of the first folder. "That's your leader."

"I still don't understand." I said honestly as I stared at the picture at the top of the page. There was a boy, probably a year or two older than me and he looked absolutely normal. I didn't understand what my uncle was fussing about.

"I don't expect you to. Kibum…everyone that I'm putting you with…this is their last chance as well."

"So basically you're just throwing a bunch of nobodies with my son?" My mother screeched and jumped out of her chair. "Five years Youngmin. We have devoted our lives to this for five years. You promised me that you could get him out there! I trusted you! I went through hell to get him where he is now. I didn't even give up when your brother left me a single parent to raise him."

"Calm down, Hana!" My uncle yelled and jumped out of his chair as well. "They aren't nobodies!"

"Well then why is this their last chance? Why is this Kibum's last chance?"

"Because all of them are screwed up in one way or another." He snapped. I saw the same hurt that I felt flash across my mother's face a moment before she hauled back and slapped my uncle harder than I thought possible.

"Don't you ever call my son screwed up, again."

"He's _gay_, Hana. He's not exactly what you would call normal."

"Shut up!" I screamed and launched out of my chair angrily. "Both of you sit down and knock it off! Mom, both of us know that Uncle is a jerk and he hates us. Uncle, both of us know that my mom hates your guts. Can we please move past this and explain to me why we're here? Without insulting me if it's not too much trouble."

"You're right, Kibum. I'm sorry." My mom whispered and reached up to wipe a small tear out of her eye. "There's no use in throwing useless insults. He knows how much I hate him, already."

My uncle merely grunted before sinking back into his chair and heaving a heavy sigh; my mother did the same.

"So why is it this boy's last chance as well?" I asked weakly as I fell into my own chair. I quickly flipped the folder open fixed my gaze on the picture at the top of the first page. The boy in it barely looked older than me. He had a round face with full lips and long black hair that barely touched his shoulders. His bangs were grown long and they swept across his right temple without actually falling into small, dark eyes. Overall he looked incredibly awkward but somehow managed to be attractive at the same time; f someone gave me a decent pair of scissors I could give really turn him into something special.

"His name is Lee Jinki. He's roughly two years older than you but you'd never know it. He's a lot lie a lost little boy but dear God he can sing. He would be a better dancer but he's extremely clumsy." Youngmin replied calmly.

"Why would you pick him to my leader then?" I asked as I stared down at the folder nervously.

"Because he's a natural leader, he just doesn't know it yet." He responded and leaned forward to rest his forearms on the edge of his cherry desk. "The day of his audition I saw him fracture his wrist while diving to save another boy that had tripped. He was the only one that did _anything_. I f it weren't for him, that boy would have fallen down a flight of stairs. When Jinki auditioned his wrist was huge but it didn't affect his performance at all. Kibum, I know talent when I see it and he has a lot of it."

"So what do you want him to do about it? You never called us in to tell us about any of the other boys you paired him with." My mother snapped angrily. I could tell that she was already reaching her boiling point; her fuse was getting shorter and shorter during those years.

"I want him to fully understand the situation before he meets them." Youngmin sighed. "That's why I made those folders, Kibum. I want you to take them home and study them. One month from now you're going to move into a dorm near here and I want you prepared for them…not all of them are going to be willing to accept your help."

"That soon?" My mother asked, her voice suddenly drained of all earlier anger.

"Yes Hana. I just found the final boy a few days ago and I want to move on this as soon as possible rather than drag it out only to find that it won't work."

"Fine. But I swear Youngmin if you got his hopes up again…I'd rather you just tell us now if you're going to call this off."

"I'm not, Hana. If these boys can work together the way I think they will then they'll be great. The youngest of them is an incredible dancer, in all or the auditions I've watched I've never seen someone that young dance so powerfully; but he no self-confidence whatsoever. The second to youngest can rap up a storm. He's going to be tall and he's going to be great but he's shy as hell. He barely talks at all. Then there's Kibum who can rap, sing, and dance but…well you know. Then there's…another boy. He's…angry; he's been in the music business even longer than you, Kibum. He was a trainee in YG until a few weeks ago when they sent him here. They sent us videos from his earlier years and he has a gorgeous voice but he won't use it anymore. He won't open up to anyone. That's why I need you, Kibum. I think you are just what these boys need."

"I thought you thought I was screwed up." I whispered and stared at the folders in my lap in awe.

"I do. You're just as screwed up as I am. If my brother wasn't your father you would probably be a pretty normal kid, but normal is over rated anyway." He replied, reminding me that when he tried me uncle could show that he cared; he just had a special way of showing it. "Now I have a meeting with Yunho in ten minutes."

"We'll get out of your hair then." My mom sighed and quickly lifted herself out of her chair. She gave a curt nod to her brother in law before striding out of the door as fast as she could.

"Kibum, the address of the dorm is inside that first folder along with the key. I wrote notes in each folder…read them carefully. I trust you with this. No matter what your mother thinks I do believe in you. I'm just a grouchy old man that's been let down too many times, even my own brother let me down. He let you down too so I hope you can understand. Just don't turn out like me."

"Thank you." I whispered and slowly rose to my feet. "And don't worry." I said as I walked towards the door. "I won't."

I had just enough time to see him lean down and rest his face in the palms of his hands before I softly closed the door and turned to meet my mother's face.

"What was that about?" She asked irritably.

"Mom, I don't think I'm going to hold him when you stuff his toupee down his throat. Watch maybe, but not hold."


	2. Chapter 2

"Kibum…wake up." A gentle voice murmured as a small hand comfortingly caressed my shoulder.

"I'm already up." I breathed and rolled over to face my mother where she stood next to my bed. The small body that had been curled up against my bare chest quickly jumped onto my hip before climbing down to lay on my other side and stretching his short legs out again.

"Did you get any sleep at all?" She asked and lowered herself to sit next to me and gently stroke my hair with one hand, using the other to playfully pet Edward's long ears. Her soft hands had an incredible calming effect on my nervous body and for the first time that night I relaxed; Edward seemed to do the same.

"Not really. Edward probably got more sleep than me and he's nocturnal…I think. Don't rabbit's sleep more in the day time?" I asked and reached over to my nightstand to pull my old cell phone off of my alarm clock. I flipped the phone open and scrolled to the alarm so I could silence it before it went off as my mother swiftly flipped the switch on the clock.

"I believe so, but I couldn't sleep either. I was too wound up. Too nervous."

"Did you try reading? That usually helps you." I asked, leaning back onto my soft pillow tiredly. I used my right hand to gently lift Edward onto my chest so I could hold him easier. He was only about six months old at the time, his body was barely longer than my hand, but I loved him.

"I read "When the Heart Cries" and "When the Morning Comes" front to back. Did you try?" Mom asked, smiling fondly at the way Edward moved to a sitting position, his body swaying with each breath I took.

"Yeah." I laughed and rolled my eyes at how similar we were. "I read "The Forest of Hand and Teeth" and "Bloody Jack" front to back."

"You and your action books." She laughed and flicked my forehead teasingly. "You just wake your mind up and make it worse. Try something calmer next time."

"But they were both so good!" I smiled and sat up to better explain. Edward slid down to my waist and then stood to press his front feet against my chest, demanding attention. I quickly used my picked him up and cradled him in my arms as one would a baby. "But the ending of "The Forest of Hands and Teeth" really irritated me. I want to know what happened to poor Cassandra, Jacob, Henry, and the poor dog! They were just left in the forest! Yeah they were still in the paths but they were surrounded by unconsecrated dead things! Where are they going to go? Where are they going to get food? How are th-"

"Kibum!" My mother clasped her hand over my mouth and shook her head. "You are so much like me it's scary, but I don't need a play by play. We have to get going.

"Sorry." I mumbled behind the restraint of her firm hand. I smiled when she giggled and hopped off of my bed with a small bounce.

"Change and then come have breakfast. I'll meet you downstairs." She called as she rounded the corner of my doorway and disappeared down the hall.

I felt a soft chuckle slip past my lips as I grudgingly climbed out of my bed, leaving Edward to curl up on my pillow like the little prince he was. I was exhausted to say the least, but my mind was wide awake. Exactly twenty eight days prior I had been told by my uncle about this day. I had spent all of my free time preparing for it. I had sacrificed almost a month getting ready to meet the four boys that I was destined to life with, indefinitely.

Of course, it wasn't that hard for me. My parents had pulled me out of school when I was merely ten to home school me; it made working with SM easier. Even when my father left when I was eleven, my mother continued with my education. By the time I was fourteen I was completely teaching myself and balancing my SM work at the same time. My mother and I were incredibly close due to the high amount of time we spent together. She held a steady job as a nurse, causing her to have erratic hours, but we managed.

I couldn't help but feel emotional as I gazed around my almost empty room. I was suddenly fully appreciating everything that my mother had done for me. Well, I had always appreciated it; even when I was told that I more than paid her back I felt as if I didn't do enough.

My room wasn't particularly large, it wasn't exceptionally grand either; but it was perfect for me. My mom and I had hand painted the room a light blue color. The carpet was light beige. And my bedroom set was all pure oak. My large desk was placed against the left wall with Edward's carrying case already set up for me. All in all, it was more than I could expect from my mother. For years she had been putting her own happiness aside for me. So, it was only reasonable for me to want to give her one last favor before I moved out; to cook one last breakfast.

Of course, being the kind of person that my mother way, she wanted none of it. Cooking was a passion that we shared. During a normal week, we would alternate cooking duties. One of us would make breakfast and the other would make dinner. I just wanted to cook one last meal for my mom before I moved out but my mom argued that she wanted to do the same. In the end, after almost twenty minutes of _stressing our opinions_ we decided that we would both cook for each other.

"I don't know what I'm going to do when you're gone." Mom sighed, munching on the last of her omelet contently.

"Honestly, I don't know what you'll do either." I teased, earning myself a playful smack on the shoulder. I had already finished the omelet that she had made for me, so I quickly stood from the table, deposited my dishes in the sink, and headed to our walk in pantry in search of rabbit food. When I found the bag of food, I quickly poured a small amount into Edward's blue bowl and sprinkled some oats on top. Stepping back into the kitchen, I let a shrill whistle slip past my lips and placed the bowl on the ceramic floor with a small thud.

Moments later, as I stood with my back against the now closed pantry door, I heart the faint sound of small feet running over carpet. I listened with a smile on my face as Edward's stride changed as he tackled the stairs one bound at a time. My mom laughed when after only a few seconds I ran down the hall and bounded up the stairs to fetch my pet; I didn't like him using stairs at all. When I carried him back to the foyer, I set him back on the ground so he could run to the kitchen himself. Just watching his quick bounds brought a grin to my face and I couldn't help but laugh when he reached the ceramic flooring in the kitchen and slid the rest of the way to his bowl.

That was it then. My last morning in the house that I grew up in was absolutely _normal_. This move was the first I had ever made. Even though my uncle had paired me with other boys, he'd never gone as far as making me move in with them. He seemed so certain yet uncertain at the same time about this and I understood why. By studying the folders that my uncle had so graciously made for me, I had learned why this wasn't exactly what I had hoped for. Each of the four other boys that I would be paired with was…different. Three of them I believed that I could connect with. But one of them...even my uncle seemed to be concerned about.

His name was Kim Jonghyun and he was _angry_ about _something_ but _no one _knew why. He was supposed to have an amazing voice hat he refused to use and that confused me. Why would he even agree to come to SM Entertainment if he didn't even want to sing? All of the other boys were supposedly working non-stop. One specialized in rapping, one specialized in dancing, and one specialized in singing but they were all passionate about what they did. Jonghyun had apparently been refusing to dance during practices, the ones he showed up to anyway, and he wouldn't sing when they tried to train him. I understood that they wouldn't just let him go…SM had a lot of kind people in its confines. When my father had walked out on my family…I wouldn't do anything. For almost a month I didn't sing at all; it wasn't until I realized that singing could be an outlet that I picked it up again. And even then I didn't dance for a long time. It took a lot of coaxing from understanding coaches before I was able to let go of the hurt and just be me again.

So that was all I did until the moment my mom's car pulled to a stop later that morning. My mind had become so consumed with thoughts of what had happened and what _would_ happen that I barely remembered getting into the vehicle. My bags had been loaded the night before so I didn't have a lot to do, but all memories of actually getting out of the house had become distant and foggy.

When my mother and I began climbing out of the car my stomach began doing flip-flops. I was like a huge dose of reality. All the preparations in the world couldn't have prepared me for what it would feel like to actually see the building with my own eyes. The building was _huge_; about eight stories high. It was all grey cement large windows on all of the rooms. When I looked further around the street, I realized that the building was placed no more than ten minutes walking distance from SM Entertainment. From my frequent visits there, I realized that we were also only about five minutes walking distance from a grocery store. It was _perfect_. Well, for a group of five boys anyway.

If I thought that the outside of the building left me with a good impression, there are no words to describe how I felt towards the inside. Maybe it was just because my mind has a tendency to run on a more feminine level than most, but I was ecstatic when I walked through the front door.

The apartment was located on the top floor. It wasn't a pent house or anything extravagant, but it was more than I had expected. From the moment I stepped through the front door, using the code that my uncle had written inside one of the folders, I could see how spacious the dorm was. The floors were a light colored hard wood and the walls were painted a light grey with dark stripes accenting it. It wasn't too flashy though; it was just enough to make the place look interesting without going overboard.

Upon entering, the first thing one would really see is the large closet on the right. It was a crisp white and the design was amazing. There were doors on the front so that coats and shoes could be hidden, but on the end there were angled open shelves. My creative mind went into frenzy with ideas for what to put there.

Walking further into the apartment, I quickly peered into each of the doors on either side of the foyer. There was a bathroom and computer room on my left, and a huge closet on my right. What really made me smile though was the kitchen.

"Mom!" I yelled the second I walked around the corner.

"Oh my God!" She laughed when she joined me. Both of our arms were full with various objects from the car. I was balancing Edward's carrying case with him inside on my right arm while my left carried one of my many duffle bags. My mom was burdened with both of the coolers of food we had prepared. But we both had to just stop and _stare_.

There was a small table on the left side of the room; five chairs were placed neatly around it. It was equipped with a five burner stove, a fridge and freezer, and a double sink. But what really caught my attention were the gorgeous redwood cabinets. Everything from the fridge doors to the many, many cupboards was covered in the same beautiful finish. And the counter tops were _huge_.

"You know, Kibum, I think I just might make stopping by here routine. Perhaps for every meal?" Mom teased and nudged me out of my trance. "I never thought that my fourteen year old son would have more counter space than I do."

"Yeah I'm sure that the other guys are going to _love_ having my mother here all the time." I replied, rolling my eyes as I turned to peer into my living room. It wasn't much; just a rosy colored couch on one side and a television set on the other, but it would serve the purpose. "I need to rabbit proof that TV before I can let Edward out." I sighed and walked over to sit my carrying case and duffle bag on the sofa.

I had expected that type of problem, so, being a mentally female over packer that prepares for everything I had stuffed a role of duck tape into the side pouch of my duffle. I could hear my mother quickly unpacking our coolers in the background as I expertly taped wires to the floor and in no time we were on our way back to the car for more bags.

The other members weren't supposed to arrive until around noon so my mom and I had gotten there at roughly nine. I wanted to have all of my things put away before they moved in.

By the time ten o'clock rolled in we had carried everything inside. I had discovered that the bedroom was just on the other side of the living room and as expected, it would be shared. There were two sets of bunk beds with a single in between them. I didn't actually care who slept on which bunk, but I knew that the others probably would. So, I merely began unpacking my clothes but didn't claim a bed. The only thing that I was certain of was that Lee Jinki would get the center bunk; he would be our leader after all.

At eleven o'clock, my mom and I got a surprise. We were just finished organizing the kitchen; I had brought my own knifes, when there was a timid knock at the door quickly followed by a louder one.

"Do you think that's them?" I asked nervously and almost dropped the towels I had been carrying.

"I'd expect so." Mom replied, gently taking the cloths from my hands and giving me a not so subtly nudge towards the door. Once there, I aloud myself a single moment of hesitation before reaching forward and pulling it open.

The sight that met my eyes made my heart pound with excitement and my lips lift into a smile. Standing before me were two boys, only one of which I recognized. He looked like nothing more than skin and bones, what I could see of him anyway. Both of his child like arms were clutched around a large pillow and I could barely see below his nose. He was holding the pillow as if it were a shield, something to hide behind.

The other boy was much taller and obviously much older. His shoulders were broad and domineering. It looked as if he was the only reason Taemin hadn't run away yet.

"Come on in." I smiled and stepped back, leaving my hand on the door to prevent it from closing. I felt my grin spread when Taemin's eyes widened. He didn't move until the taller boy not so subtly placed a hand on the center of Taemin's back and pushed. "I'm Kibum."

"Taesun." The taller boy replied. His dark eyes seemed to be searching for any sign of danger. As if he'd sweep Taemin, who I had by then realized was his younger brother, away at the first hint of suspicion. "And this is my little brother, Taemin." He continued when his seemingly shy dongsaeng failed to introduce himself.

"Can I help carry anything?" I asked when they were fully in the apartment. I noticed for the first time that Taemin carried a large red backpack on his back, and it looked like it would pull the poor boy down any second.

"No, we've got it. He doesn't have much." Taesun responded, holding up the duffle bag in his right hand as if to make the point. "I can't actually stay long. I need to get to work. Is…whoever's going to be the leader by any chance here yet? I know we're early, but I have work and neither of our parents would bring him."

"No." I sighed as I led the two of them further into the apartment. I only stopped when we reached the airy living room and kitchen area. "So far it's just me and my mom. I motioned towards my kitchen. Mom was busy re-arranging the cabinets. My uncle had generously provided us with all of the kitchen ware we would need, but had left it in boxes in the laundry room right off of the kitchen.

"Hi!" Mom called when she noticed us watching her. She quickly placed the last plate into a cabinet before striding over with a small hop in her stop. Her short black pony tail bounced with every energized step she made in our direction, reminding me of how young she really was.

My mother was only thirty three at the time. She and my father had been high school sweet hearts. They were married before her nineteenth birthday she was pregnant after the honey moon. Her face still glowed, as if should have, but it forced my never ending guilt to cloud my mind for a moment before I could concentrate on the situation at hand again.

"I'm Hana, Kibum's mom." She smiled and extended her hand to Taesun, who quickly returned the shake.

"I'm Taesun and this is my baby brother, Taemin." Taesun nodded his head and reached back to push Taemin forward. "He's just shy around new people. Can I have a quick word with you, Kibum?"

"Of course." I replied, tilting my head towards the bedroom. Taesun quickly strode through the door, leaving Taemin with my mother. I watched as Taemin's round eyes widened and he lifted his pillow to bury his face in it. I actually had to fight the instinct to go to him so that I could follow his brother.

"What's up?" I asked when I had shut the bedroom door a few moments later. Taesun had walked to the opposite side of the room and was peering out the window; he didn't seem to really be looking at anything though.

"I just…need to ask you a favor." He began, nervously shifting his weight to lean against the wall. "Can you…look out for him? He's a great kid and a real joy to be around when he's comfortable. He's just so…meek. If someone yells at him or gets angry he just shuts down and can't function. If he has someone to cling to, just to feel like someone is proud of him, then he opens up a bit. I don't know, maybe this will be good for him. He needs to toughen up. But you have to know, Kibum, I've shared a room with him his entire life. I don't know how he'll handle being away from me."

I nodded my head as I listened intently to what Taesun had to say. The moment I had laid my eyes on Taemin, I had realized something; I would be playing the role of band mother. I had suspected that it would happen, my mother and uncle probably had, too, but feeling my 'maternal instinct kick in just proved it.

"I'll take care of him." I smiled, crossing my arms over my chest and looking down slightly. "My mom works here in the city so she's going to stop in a lot. Plus we'll probably be really busy soon, anyway. That will probably distract him."

"Thank you, Kibum. I just…worry about him so much. He's gotten picked on enough in his life, going to school and all. I don't even know what would have happened if I didn't convince my parents to home school him two years ago." Taesun sighed, pausing to momentarily place his hand on my shoulder as he walked back out the door.

I didn't immediately follow him. Instead, I lingered in the dimly lit bedroom. Taemin already felt special to me and he hadn't even spoken a word. It was my instincts. The same way that girls, the horrid creatures, felt about puppies and babies. I was the same way. I just wanted to protect him, his thin body, his round eyes, the way he hadn't even grown into his lanky body yet. I felt like I wanted to cry. In fact, I did. I couldn't help the way I felt, or the way I acted, Lord knows how hard I tried to just be _normal_.

I didn't come out of the bedroom for almost five minutes. I needed to let my eyes dry and force the redness off of my face. When I did return to the kitchen area though, I felt a grin force its way through the depressed expression on my face. I had mood swings like a pregnant woman sometimes.

Taemin had discarded his pillow and was kneeling in front of the sofa. His face was merely inches from the mesh door on Edward's carrying case and I could see the first glimmer of a smile pressing onto his thin lips. Taesun was engaged in conversation with my mother, so I seized the opportunity and quickly made my way across the room.

"His name is Edward." I murmured as I sank to my knees next to Taemin.

"I'm sorry!" He gasped. His hands jerked backwards as if he had been shocked and he fell backwards with a dull thud. "I won't go near him again. I promise! I was just curious."

"Taemin, relax, seriously." I laughed, watching with concern at the way his lips began to tremble and his eyelids flew into a small frenzy.

"Eyes, Taemin." Taesun called from the kitchen. Immediately, Taemin's eyes squeezed shut and a small grimace appeared on his lips. After a moment I realized that this had to be a common thing; probably one of the reasons he head been picked on.

"You can come near him any time you want. Even if you don't he'll probably come to you." I continued and reached up to quickly unzip the door. Edward, seeing a glimpse of freedom, quickly hopped out of the case and onto my waiting hand. "Say hi." I smiled, holding Edward up in front of the young, scared boy sitting Indian style in front of me.

When Taemin's eyes finally cracked open again, a small gasp slipped though his lips.

"I don't know how." He replied, his eyes never leaving Edward. For the first time I realized how truly precious his voice was. He even _sounded_ as innocent as he looked.

"He's a good boy, he won't do anything." I smiled and gently set Edward in Taemin's small lap. The rough fabric on Taemin's black cargo pants rustled when Edward brushed against them. He was thoroughly fascinated with the timid boy and after a minute of examining Taemin's pants, he stood on his hind legs to press his front legs into Taemin's shirt.

"He's so cute!" Taemin whispered, using his right hand to shyly scratch Edward's back. I soon realized that I was witnessing what appeared to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. "Did you really mean that I can come near him whenever?"

"Of course I meant it." I replied. "If you want, you can even help me train him. Want to see some of his tricks?"

When Taemin nodded h shed, I quickly jumped to my feet and dashed in to the kitchen. My mother and Taesun both gave me strange looks when I ran past them and grabbed an apple from the glass bowl on the counter, but I just ignored them and swiftly slid back to Taemin.

"Watch this." I ordered, carefully taking Edward from Taemin's lap and placing him on the floor. I quickly lifted the red apple to my lips and took a small bite, only using my top teeth so that I could give the tread to Edward. I watched Taemin's face out of the corner of my eye while I held the fruit over Edward's head. When Edward rose to stand on his hind legs and grab it, Taemin's face lit up. His round eyes seemed to sparkle and never leave his new found friend.

"My parents never let me have a pet. You're so lucky!"

"My dad never wanted pets, either." I sighed, continuing to show Taemin the few tricks that Edward knew.

"How did you convince him?" Taemin asked. I was thankful that he wasn't looking at my face. If he had been, he would have seen my eyes darken and snap to the ground and the way my smile vanished.

"I didn't." I muttered darkly, accidentally letting my anger towards myself slip into my voice. I knew that I had left myself wide open. There was no was that Taemin could have known about my dad. "He left home when I was eleven. I never saw him again."

Fortunately, Edward chose that moment to turn and bold away, off to explore the new land before him. It gave me the perfect escape so I didn't need t look into Taemin's shocked eyes when he finally decided to look at me.

"Get back here!" I laughed, knowing fully that the sound came out strained. Edward didn't go far; he merely hopped into the kitchen to nibble on the edge of Taesun's black jeans.

"Sorry." I breathed when I reached them. I quickly put my hand under Edward's stomach to lift him into my arms. "He's just curious." I gently flipped Edward onto his back so that he was lying in the crook of my left arm. Taemin, who had scrambled after me and was standing next to his brother, made a small awestruck noise and tilted his head ever so slightly to the side. I was by that point certain; he would be playing the cute, innocent role in our group.

"It's okay but…I think it's about time I leave." Tae sun laughed, throwing his arms around his little brother and pulling him close. "You'll be fine." He whispered when Taemin made a small protest.

"But…what if the other boys don't like me?" Taemin asked, wrapping his frail arms around Taesun's waist and clutching his hands around his shirt.

"Then I'll refuse to cook for them." I interceded, grasping my chance to assure Taemin hat he would be taken care of.

"He's a great cook, too." Mom added, a gentle smile gracing her comforting face. "Being denied Kibum's cooking is practically torture!"

"And even then, I could always sick Edward on them." I continued.

"I think you're going to be taken care of, Kid. You have a guard rabbit." Taesun laughed and reluctantly pried Taemin's arms off of his waist. "Now I bought you that cell phone for a reason. Use it any time you need me. I don't care what time it is. If you need me, I'll be here."

"Okay…I'm going to miss you!" Taemin whispered as the glimmer of tears began appearing around his terrified eyes.

"I'll miss you, too, Minnie. I love you."

"I love you, too!" Taemin sniffed, reaching up to desperately wipe at the shimmering tears that had begun cascading down his young face.

"Just promise me one thing." Taesun ordered just before he rounded the corner to the foyer. "For the sake of sounding ridiculously cheesy; don't forget about me when you're big and famous."

And then he was gone. Taemin was frozen in place staring at the spot where just brother had just been. For a full minute my mother and I let him absorb the fact that Taesun was gone. I was content with just gently rocking Edward in my arms, but I knew that Taemin needed a distraction. It was my instincts again.

"Taemin, can you help me set up Edward's cage?" I asked, laying my right hand comfortingly on his shoulder.

"Yeah." He sniffed, tilting his head towards the floor and wrapping his thin arms around himself.

For the next hour, Taemin and I did odd jobs around the apartment. Instead of putting Edward back in his too small carrying case, we placed him in the bathroom with a litter box so he could run around. Then, around eleven thirty my mother informed me that she was leaving. She had a few errands to run but she'd be back that night around eight, when my uncle came over.

It wasn't until about twelve thirty that I got to meet my next band mate. Taemin and I had just finished hanging our clothes in the closet when we heard light knocking on the door.

"That's got to be one of them." I stated excitedly and clasped my hands together. "I don't see why you guys don't just let yourselves in. Youngmin told me that he gave all of you the pass code."

"This place just doesn't feel like home yet so it would be weird." Taemin answered as he followed closely behind me. His voiced had suddenly returned to the meek tone he used when he first arrived. When his brother and my mom had left, I saw what Taesun meant by him opening up. Taemin was actually a sweet kid, he was just too afraid of doing something wrong.

When we reached the door, Taemin discretely hid behind me as I pulled it open. Standing outside was a very tall and very tired looking boy.

"Hi." I smiled, backing up to let him in. I bit my lip to prevent myself from laughing when Taemin followed me, staying out of sight. It wasn't hard for him to do, really. Taemin was very small for a twelve year old boy. I remembered reading in the folders that his birthday was mid July, only one month away, but I wasn't really concerned about it. He just _looked_ like he was going to get bigger. "I'm Kibum."

"Minho." He replied, shifting the large backpack he was carrying so that he could sit it on the floor.

"Is that all you have?" I asked, eyeing the black bag in shock.

"Yeah." He answered and reached up to remove the white baseball cap from his head. His black hair was damp with sweat and he looked exhausted.

"I am such an over packet that it's nuts. Both of you brought so much less than me!" I laughed and stepped to the side, trying to get Taemin to stop hiding. Instead of getting what I wanted, Taemin let out a nervous squeak and grasped my arm tightly to hide behind it. He timidly peeked his head past me and stared up at Minho like he was going to eat him. "This is Taemin."

"Hi." Minho murmured and quickly averted his eyes. Just as my uncle's folders had warned; he _really_ didn't talk much.

"Are you here alone?" I asked and quietly shut the door. The situation was becoming increasingly awkward with every passing moment.

"Yeah."

"Why?" I continued to probe. I wanted to get more than a one word answer out of the guy.

"I…didn't have a ride." He replied and nervously played with the hat in his hands. I was thrilled at the fact that he spoke five words.

"How did you get here then?"

"Walked." He responded, causing my hands to ball into fists.

"How far?" I turned and motioned for him to follow me into the apartment.

"About two hours."

"You look exhausted."

"I am."

"Water?"

"Sure."

This was really starting to get on my nerves. I was used to constant chatter, probably because I lived with a woman, and the awkward silence was bugging me to no end. I just wanted to _fix it_.

"Alright, is either or you hungry?" I asked exasperatedly and quickly pulled a water bottle out of the fridge. "Because I am starving."

"Do you know how to cook?" Minho asked when I handed him his water.

"Yeah, I've made at least one meal a day, every day, for two years. Cooking is fun. What do you guys want?" I asked, trying to think of something creative to say or do.

"Whatever is easiest." Minho replied and walked over to sit at the kitchen table. Taemin still hadn't left my side.

"What about you?" I asked, quickly turning my attention to the youngest.

"It really doesn't matter." He replied. His eyes kept flickering to Minho nervously, as if at any moment the tall boy would attack.

"Well that's a lot of help." I laughed and walked to the fridge. Taemin, of course, followed me there. "You know he's not going to eat you." I whispered as I began sorting through the contents. My mother was truly amazing. She had selected only healthy foods that I could easily make into quick meals.

"I know." He replied and dropped his chin. "I just…sorry."

"Don't apologize." I said and handed him a head of lettuce. "Just help me make lunch." I quickly pulled the rest of the required ingredients out of the fridge and handed them to the young boy. He seemed more than happy to help me, probably just so that he didn't need to leave my side.

I only made sandwiches for lunch that day. I wanted to save my special recipes for once I knew my band mates better. I had a habit of cooking very Americanized foods. It was the result of the vacation my mom and I had taken a year prior. We had visited America for almost a month and in that time I absolutely fell in love with the food, I even had an American cook book.

I personally thought that my food was nothing special, but Taemin _and_ Minho both insisted that it was great. It wasn't much, really; just tuna fish with celery on fresh lettuce and toasted white bread. It was quite a surprise however, when Minho took all of the dirty dishes and actually hand washed them himself. Our apartment wasn't equipped with a dishwasher and I hadn't expected any of the other boys to know how to properly hand wash, nor did I expect them to do it without being asked.

I felt like I was slowly but surly beginning to understand each of my younger band mates. I knew that Taemin and I were going to get along beautifully. Minho and I would probably balance each other out because we were so utterly opposite. But I simply could not understand how my uncle expected us to work together as a group.

A short while after we had eaten, Minho passed out on the couch. He had already unpacked his single bag so I instructed him to just relax. Taemin was set up on the floor in the middle of the living room with Edward in his lap so I found a small amount of time today to just think. It was something that I loved to do, but it was bitter sweet. When I became lost in thought, like I was when I sat at the kitchen table carefully supervising Taemin's play, my mind tended to wander to dangerous places. I let my doubts overtake my mind and I felt my frustration coming to the surface.

I was fourteen years old, almost fifteen. I had been with SM Entertainment since just after my tenth birthday and all I had accomplished in all of that time was being paired with a boy that was too nervous to look someone in the eyes, and a boy that was too reserved to speak with more than one sentence. I didn't blame them, no; instead I placed the blame on myself. I placed it on the fact that I was just _different_ than the others. If I could be normal I would have been paired with _normal_ boys. If I was normal my mother wouldn't have had to fight with my uncle just to keep me in the business. If I was normal…my father never would have walked out on my family four years before and I never would have ruined _everything._

I'm sorry! I don't know what happened with that! I really do not. It was too long, I know I know I know!!! Thirteen pages on Microsoft word and I haven't even brought Jinki and Jonghyun in yet *sigh* I blame my dog. She ruined my carpet so I'm in the middle of renovating my bedroom. (I'M LIVING ON PLYWOOD FLOORS) This has NOT been grammar checked yet. I'll do it…later. When it's not three thirty in the morning and I'm not literally passing out at my computer. (Fallen asleep twice already) And in case you didn't pick up on it, when Kibum says "normal," he's referring to being straight. Please comment!


	3. AUTHOR'S NOTEEEE!

Dear Readers,

So...I think you guys deserve a word or two from me. I haven't died. I haven't fallen off the face of this earth, and I haven't forgotten about this account. I have not forgotten about this story, and I have not given up on it, either.

As you've probably noticed, the last update was FOREVER ago. What was it, April of 09 or something like that? Almost a year ago. You see, a run a strange cycle with my writing. I've decided to give up on trying to write full length fics, to an extent. I'm not going to post anything until it's done. This said, I will tell you that I have tried to work on this story a few times, but nothing has come of it.

When I do get around to working on this, I have a bit of a warning. I'm going to re-write the beginning. Like I said, I wrote this quite a while ago. I was much younger then, and the mistakes I made really, really bother me. The basic plot will be the same, Kibum's role, etc, but there will be some minor character tweaks. For example, Jonghyun's role is going to change. Minho will probably me the same, Taemin will definitely be the same, and honestly, could I really change Jinki? No. Also....well, my personal pairing preferences have changed over time. There's a chance that the pairing may change to OnKey. It will be either OnKey or JongKey. If anyone is actually reading this note, can you give me a vote? All opposed? All okay with that? I'm not sure yet! It could stay JongKey, depending on my mood. I still love them . so cute~

The biggest reason that I stopped writing was honestly just that I got writer's block and lost any urge to write this at all. I won't lie about it anymore. I wasn't busy, I wasn't having a real rough time (.......no more than usual.....) I just couldn't write it anymore. That's why I refuse to post any full length fics until they're finished. I'll try to write this story and then post it up one day. Until then, thank you. I really appreciate your reviews, putting this story on alert, and favoriting it. It really means a lot to me as an author! Hopefully the re-write will be much better! I'm currently taking English 101 and Basic Writing at a local college, and my grammar skills are swiftly improving. I hope to apply them to my writing before long!

With Love,

BigSHINeeSHinKi,

Mitsukai Tacchi,

Protojae,

Whatever the hell my username is at the moment because I'm writing this in a Microsoft Word document and haven't actually logged into my account to check yet.

P.S. I have written three drabbles as of late. I write them with a different user name, and haven't actually connected them to any of the names I listed. If you're interested, you can read them on livejournal. The username there is PonZiandSHINee. They're based off of Pon and Zi XD *points to the SN* I'll include the link, but I doubt that it will go through.

.com they're here.


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